Blurry Thoughts

So, I had a bit of an odd conversation today, yesterday, now I suppose (I started writing this last night). One of those weird conversations that I never thought really happened in real life.

I was at work, and toward the end of the day a friend of mine asked me a question, one of those questions that you figure you would never be asked after, say, high school... The question was about how I feel about a mutual friend of ours, who I do have a huge crush on, actually.

Turns out it's mutual.

I really don't know how to take it. Not the knowing part, but how I was told. We're both really shy people, and I suppose our friend (who's a lot closer to her than me) thought that maybe there just had to be some sort of kick start.

What next now?

I probably didn't half hear that thing right, which is infinitely comforting.  But it does bring up more questions than I have answers. It's all a little more scary this way.  Exciting too, but scary at the same time. Suffice it to say, I'm afraid of making a misstep, but I'm also looking forward to whatever's next.... 

I haven't felt quite this way in a long time.

Have you ever half over-heard something you probably shouldn't have? Only to to have it bug you for weeks? Even though it seems to be contradictory to what seems to be real? Yeah, I hate that. I really fucking hate that. It's something that's been knocking around in my mind for the last week and a half or so. I ignore it, but something today brought it back to the surface.

And I'm somewhat perturbed as hell. But that's me, mr. over analyzer. I sit there and think too much about something.

I put something like this up on my Facebook, but took it down after thinking it over for a few minutes, again, one of those too private things.

It's also funny how only one person has ever noticed that when I say I'm okay, that I usually say that I think I'm okay. There's a fine distinction, and giant can of worms, in that turn of phrase....

It's funny, I used to keep a journal, even before my therapist back in college told me that I should keep a journal.  Now, I've managed to actually do it only on and off over the years, probably for a span of no more than 2 years total in the past 15, but I found it massively therapeutic.  Lately, I've been thinking and reflecting about life a lot, but not writing any of it down. I can't help but wonder if I'm losing something in that.

Truth be told, snippets of it end up in my Facebook status, but even then, I hold some things back because it's too private.  You get bits and pieces of that too private stuff here though. The anonymity of the place seems to help. My post here about a month ago falls into that category. 

Well, at any rate, I just got back from another of my walkabouts.  Went to Philadelphia this time around. It was what I needed.  I came back feeling better than I have in ages; I feel new and refreshed.  Mike 5.0. 

Then again, maybe it's just because it's spring.

And about that post a month ago, things seem to be good... 

I just came to the realization that humanity has lived day to day, never knowing what the next day will bring. It could be the end; it could be the best day ever; it could beone in disguise of the other (not to be revealed until the next day, or the day after that); who knows... and that blows my mind.

going home that is. seems like anytime i go home, it's all just a little too framatic, or is it traumatic. one of the two.

Seeing if i can post from my droid.

My last relationship was with someone I met at work... It started with a crush, and ended with a badly broken heart. And thankfully, a reputation that's still relatively intact.  What's new? I'm still getting better from that. I'm different now. Admittedly, a little bitter, but I'm more mature and I like to think the wiser.

Time for a confession, something that I've only told two friends about so far... Once again, I've got a crush on someone else at work.  Who knows, she might feel the same, sometimes it seems like it.She's smart, and funny, and cute, and there's just that something special about her.

The question is: what do I do? Do I make that leap again? Maybe, just maybe, end up happy for once. 

Or did I some how screw things up already.  Meh... 

Mikey, just stop thinking about it and be.

I didn't think I would like it, but I really do like Caprica.

That being said, I wonder what would happen if someone put an avatar of me together based on my musings on the internet.  Specifically here, and on Facebook.  It'd probably give you one schizo robot, no? 

Also, I'm sort of torn about a couple of things in my life right now. 

it's really bleeping (effidity) weird how when you get back to some sort of equilibrium that it feels oddly familiar, even if it should feel different. effidity yeah.

PS Andrew Jackson, f--- yeah.